Excess is to be avoided

अतिदानात् बलिर्बद्धो हि अतिमानात् सुयोधनः ।
विनष्टो रावणो लौल्यात् अति सर्वत्र वर्जयेत् ।।

The literal meaning of the above is:

Bali met his end due to his excessive giving, Duryodhana was killed due to his excessive pride, Ravana was destroyed due to his excessive lust.

(Hence) ‘Excess’ (in anything) is to be avoided.

In every aspect of life we need to avoid excess. For instance Giving is good but excessive Giving has a lot of downsides. Similarly having Self Esteem is good but an excess of it turns into pride and arrogance which is not good. And Love is good but excessive attraction turns it into obsessiveness which is no longer love and to be avoided.

‘Excessive’ Giving

When we give in a non-discretionary manner it tends to harm us. Whether in material goods or otherwise. If we give material goods recklessly without regard to our own and our family’s well — being, we ultimately succumb to a life of destitution.

When we examine the non — material aspect of giving we see the same result. We see individuals who are driven to give of themselves at work. They want to prove themselves. They hunger for the approval of their bosses and possibly a promotion. They will commit to whatever the boss wants. They give without limits. Ultimately like Bali they have to face the consequences. They burn out.

A similar situation arises in relationships. One partner, say the wife, gives limitlessly just to make the other, say the husband, happy and contented without concern for her own health or otherwise. In this way the husband’s expectations go on increasing with the wife struggling to cope. Ultimately instead of drawing a limit the wife breaks down.

There is another aspect to this kind of relationship. When the giving is predominantly from one partner say the wife to another say the husband then there is a strong possibility that the husband becomes overdependent on the wife and this is exactly what the wife wants. In fact this is sometimes seen as true love between the husband and wife. See how much they love each other! Where the wife is at the beck and call of the husband. But is this love? Love is between equals who take co-responsibility for the growth of each other and not the diminishment of one at the expense of the other.

Also when one gives endlessly to another in a relationship it is possible that one is seeking love. However what one gets is approval. I appreciate you because of your giving. But when the giving stops the appreciation too stops. Approval has been mistaken for love and one finds great disappointment within when one realises this.

Sometimes we give more than the other wants or needs. The value of what is given is not appreciated by the giver. ‘Over giving’ causes indigestion in the receiver and deep regret in the giver.

We need to give consciously otherwise we will meet the same fate as Bali. Excess is to be avoided.

‘Excessive’ Pride

The moment one thinks one is invincible one forgets that each of us has an Achilles’ heel. Duryodhana had a bloated idea of his strength, forgetting the chink in his armour and Bhima took advantage of this weakness and killed him. Once we become aware of our strengths and meet with success we tend to get over confident. We feel we can overpower the world. We think we are like God. We want to live larger than life. Our arrogance impels us to punch much beyond our weight. But then we experience a pushback. Something happens that makes us realise that we too have feet of clay. We stand exposed as hollow men “headpiece filled with straw”. We stand defeated.

We seek power to overcome our fear of insecurity and anxiety. We need to protect ourselves from the unforeseen circumstances that we may encounter. So we go on amassing wealth, creating powerful networks, surrounding ourselves with the symbols of power till we believe that we are masters of it all and not victims. And then suddenly from nowhere we are hit in our weakest spot with laser like precision and exposed for what we are. Not Gods but flawed human beings. We stand humbled.

We need to continuously be rooted in reality. Always having a real assessment of ourselves. By overstretching to achieve our ambitions we will possibly meet with the same fate as Duryodhana. Excess is to be avoided.

‘Excessive’ Lust

Ravana lusted after women including Sita for which he had to pay the price. Ram killed him. Lust actually kills a human being from the inside. The person can no longer love. There is no respect left for life. People become things to be used and thrown away. Used as pawns for one’s own benefit. Lust and greed make one live life from the outside, from without and not from within. The body and its image becomes more important than the person within. There is no within. There is no place to recognise, appreciate and respect the character of another person. All that matters is the outward appearance and exclusive physical attraction.

One reduces everything and every person to how much one can extract from the other for one’s own pleasure and benefit while minimising one’s effort or cost. Today we live in a world where each one is seeking to extract the maximum from the other. Relationships are reduced to fleeting thrills. Thrills do not satisfy and therefore one goes after more, better and different thrills. Trust vanishes in relationships. Consequently families break down. And if the family is the core unit on which society lives and grows, then if the family breaks down society breaks down. We seem to be living in a dying society.

We need to regain our respect for one another and for life. Excessive obsession and greed is to be avoided.